


Representation

by phoelynfabulous



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Acephobia, Internalized Homophobia, Peri is aroace!, she's fine I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23112442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoelynfabulous/pseuds/phoelynfabulous
Summary: Peridot encounters some poor representation, confusing an already confused gem even more.
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 107





	Representation

**Author's Note:**

> After that reveal I had to write something (especially after doing a 31 day challenge writing Peridot into romantic situations. Oops) so here's this... here's this. I hope it's good.

It was the first time Peridot was actually watching the reboot with any interest at all.

Samantha was ranting on and on about being completely uninterested in love to Micheal, who had been trying to get her attention for the entire episode. They had been laughing about his stupid, awkward attempts to ask her out when this scene had come up. And then Peridot had gotten very quiet, and started listening, fascinated, to Samantha's speech.

“I've never loved before, and I honestly don't think I ever will! Romance is such a foreign concept to me, Micheal! Nothing you do or say will change that!”

“Samantha, please just give me a chance-”

“No!”

“But maybe I can change your mind!”

“You can't! I've tried hard enough on my own as it is!”

And Samantha ran off with teary eyes as Micheal called after her.

Steven considered asking Peridot about it, but she seemed so invested. Steven personally thought the scene was way too dramatic, but he couldn't stop Peridot from enjoying herself, watching the screen in awe.

When Micheal saved her from drowning and she'd started acting blushy and shy towards him at the end of the episode, rewarding him with a kiss on the cheek, Peridot was _crushed._

Steven wasn't sure he had the words to describe Peridot's emotional state afterwards. It had seemed fair enough to him, given the show's quality had proved itself to be terrible time and time again, so this sort of thing was expected. But as the credits rolled, Peridot just stared, disappointed and numb. He couldn't find it in him to laugh at the sharp change from totally against Micheal to totally into Micheal while Peridot was so... sad.

“Hey, Peridot, are you alright?”

She jumped a bit as if she'd forgotten he was there, and hastily responded “Uh, yeah! I'm fine!” Her smile didn't quite reach her uncovered eyes – she'd started taking it off before they started watching the show after Steven was startled by the reflection of the TV in her visor one day. She understood why and quickly corrected the issue, no words spoken.

Steven wasn't convinced, but he worried about pushing it. “Okay, just let me know if anythings wrong, alright? I might be able to help.”

Peridot's smile became a tad more genuine before she left for Little Homeworld.

\---

_You just need to fix it._

Peridot hit her head against the wall of her home. She just... couldn't get it out of her head. The passionate way that Samantha had sworn off of love had struck a chord with Peridot. Something about was just... right.

And then they fixed it.

_You should fix it._

They fixed it, because it _wasn't_ right. It was wrong. Love was a beautiful force, it brought people together, how could she _not_ want to be together with someone? It wasn't right, something was _broken_ in Samantha, and Micheal's bravery fixed it. He fixed it.

_Fix it._

Peridot was reminded of a day several years ago, before she swore to be a Crystal Gem and called out Yellow Diamond. She had wanted to be friends with Amethyst, to be closer, and when she was rejected, she saved her life, and apologized, and now Amethyst was one of her closest friends. That was... how it worked. It was right. She fixed it.

_Fix it._

From her home, she could hear her roommate watching the more superior version of Camp Pining Hearts upstairs. Lapis Lazuli had insisted that nothing would beat the original and refused to watch the reboot, at least without Peridot's input first. She wasn't surprised to hear how much it sucked. She'd just laughed and offered to rewatch Peridot's favorite episodes with her. How thoughtful of her to remember exactly which ones she loved the most, and the reasons behind her appreciation as well.

_Fix it._

The Samantha Situation was a bit reversed for the two of them. Peridot had desperately tried to get Lapis' attention and failed, again and again. When disaster struck not Lapis, but _Peridot_ , Lapis had saved her.

Lapis had blushed a nice blue color when Peridot smiled at her.

_Stop delaying and fix it. You know what to do._

Peridot sighed and prepared herself. She was a Peridot. She was _designed_ to fix things.

She walked up the stairs to the second floor.

“Hey, Peri. How was today's terrible episode?” Lapis said upon noticing Peridot's arrival.

“Oh, it was alright,” Peridot absentmindedly answered before joining Lapis on the couch.

Lapis' eyebrows raised a bit. “Wow. Such high praise! It was actually alright for once?”

Peridot paused and reprocessed her statement, retracing her steps. “Huh? Oh, no, it was awful. Kinda. Might've been the worst one yet. Maybe. I dunno. Been sorta distracted.”

Lapis seemed confused. “Well, alright then... Wanna take your mind off of it?” she suggested whilst gesturing towards the currently-playing episode.

“Yes please.”

Lapis smiled at her and turned the volume back up. This was one of Peridot's third favorites, but it would do.

_Fix it._

_Fix it._

_Fix it._

Peridot took a deep breath.

“You alright?” asked Lapis, glancing at her.

_Fix it._

Peridot turned to face Lapis

_Fix it._

gently grabbed her by the chin and turned her head towards her

_Fix it._

leaned in close, shut her eyes

_Fix it-_

and their lips met.

…

…

... _Hmm._

_I... don't think this is working._

Despite all the buildup towards this moment, everything she's heard about romance and kisses, all of her studies and interest in the topic... it seemed to be overrated.

Except that Lapis didn't seem to think so, with her enthusiasm in reciprocation.

_Am I doing this right?_ Peridot questioned herself. She put in a little more effort, trying to give as much as she got. Still nothing.

They pulled away from each other. Peridot was just confused and maybe a little hurt.

Lapis was utterly _starstruck._

She giggled in elation and planted a couple more little kisses on Peridot's face. They didn't do much but leave little wet spots on her cheeks.

“Peri-! That was-! How long...?” Lapis seemed to have trouble finishing her sentences, giddy and nearly childish.

Her gleeful little smile slowly faded as she took in Peridot's expression.

“Peri...?”

_Still broken._

She broke down and cried.

\---

_I have absolutely no idea what's going on right now._

Lapis was holding a sobbing Peridot close to her chest, in the dark of their house with an episode of the original Camp Pining Hearts in the background, very shortly after their first kiss.

_... Still have no idea what's going on._

“Hey, Peridot... you okay?”

If she weren't so busy stroking Peridot's head and back in an attempt to soothe her she would slap herself in the face. _Clearly not, or else she wouldn't be crying!_

“I-I-I th-thought-” she sniffled, “I thought it w-would fix it...”

Lapis stared blankly for a moment. “Fix... what?”

“M-me. I c-can't feel anything, I-”

“Woah woah woah. You don't need to be _fixed,_ Peridot, you aren't broken...”

“But I can't feel anyth-thing...”

Now Lapis was confused and concerned. She gently tapped her on the shoulder. “Can you feel that?”

Peridot looked up at her through tear-filled eyes like she was some kind of clod. “I meant _emotionally._ ”

“Oh. Well, how do you feel right now if you can't feel anything?”

Peridot paused and considered this. “Sad. Tired. Confused. Frustrated.”

“That's a lot of feelings from someone with no feelings.”

“I don't feel love.”

Lapis stopped to process the new information. It took her a few moments to come up with something to say. “Well, then... how do you feel... about Camp Pining Hearts?”

“The reboot?”

“The orginal.”

“I _love_ the ori-! Oh. Well, that's-! Still not what I meant!”

Lapis hummed a little with amusement, having succeeded in calming Peridot down. Sort of. “Okay then. What do you mean?”

Peridot thought for a little while. Lapis continued patting her head in the silence. The episode had ended.

“I don't... feel the way Ruby and Sapphire do. Or Percy and Pierre, or even Paulette, or Rodrigo and Jasmine or Micheal and-!” She stopped and took a deep breath. “I don't like kisses, or dates. Pretty flowers and heartfelt messages delivered on doorsteps. Fusion. It just doesn't... I feel nothing.”

Lapis considered what to say next, but Peridot beat her to the punch and continued. “I'm sorry. I thought kissing you would make sense and fix it. Now, you're all lovey-dovey and I'm...”

“We don't need kisses,” Lapis added quickly. “Things were fine and they're still fine. Do you really think you'll never fall in love? With anyone, ever?”

“...No.”

…

…

“...No as in, like-”

“No as in I'll never really fall in love, yeah I know I phrased it weird-”

“Yeah okay.” Lapis said with a little laugh that Peridot echoed. They both blushed a bit from the slightly awkward situation, but they were still slightly smiling.

“Well, if you never date, or fuse, or anything... it's not an emergency. You can still make friends – and you do, often. You love things, and places, and animals. You can love life. You're not some loveless robot, you just... don't want kisses. And that's fine.”

Peridot was a little teary eyed again. “You really think so?”

“I know so.”

Peridot hugged her tightly, and Lapis returned the gesture.

A few minutes went by.

“So... what happened to you that made you think that you were _broken?_ ”

Peridot thought for a moment, before letting out a bark of a laugh. “That terrible reboot, that's what!”

They shared a laugh, and Peridot gave her a little kiss on the cheek.

Lapis stopped in confusion. “You don't need romance, you don't have to-”

“Well, I mean, you like kisses, right? You seemed to like it when I kissed you earlier...”

Lapis' face became a very dark blue. “Yeah.”

“Well then, I won't deprive you of kisses! I don't need them, or particularly like them when I'm getting them, but I don't mind giving you little 'smooches' if you want them!”

She snorted a bit. “ _Smooches?_ ”

“I don't know a lot of words for kisses.”

“That's a _real word?_ ”

They spent the rest of the night laughing and joking happily.

\---

“ _Happy Pride Month!_ ” Steven shouted cheerfully as he entered Lapis and Peridot's apartment, fairly large box in hand.

“Wow, thanks! What's Pride Month?”

Steven laughed a little at Peridot's response and set down the box. It was labeled “FLAGS”.

“It's the first of June! June is Pride Month, where people can celebrate love and relationships – like Ruby and Sapphires', _or_ like you and Lapis'!”

“Cool.” Said Lapis appreciatively.

“Very cool!” exclaimed Peridot.

“Yeah! How's your relationship going, by the way?”

“It's been going well! Our weird-platonic relationship has excellent communication and physical interaction!”

Steven blinked. “You mean queer-platonic?”

“That's a synonym Steven, it means the same thing.”

Steven decided it wasn't worth correcting yet.

“Well, anyways, I have something special for you!”

Peridot practically squealed in joy and leapt forward. “What is it?!” Meanwhile Lapis walked over at a normal pace.

“They're in this box, I-”

Peridot _immediately_ began opening the box, and gasped loudly at the contents.

“Colors!” she said, scooping up a bunch of flags and tossing them into the air, watching them fall like oversized confetti.

Steven laughed. “These are pride flags! The colors have meanings.” He picked up a couple little flags from the ground. “These are the ones I wanted to show you! They were a little hard to find, but I wanted to make sure I got them for you!”

Peridot grabbed the little flags and examined them. In her right hand was a black, gray, white, and purple striped flag. In her left was a flag that reminded her of her own coloration; green, light green, white, gray, black.

“What do they mean?” She asked, trying to deduce the meaning from color alone.

“Well,” Steven pointed to the left flag, “This one means not interested in romance,” then to the right, “And this one means not interested in fusion. For you as a gem, at least.”

Peridot blinked and seemed to look at the flags in a new light.

She teared up a bit. “...For me?”

Steven smiled and nodded.

Peridot gave a huge grin and started dancing around with the flags, cheering, “I get my own colors!”

Steven and Lapis laughed happily at her sheer joy and acceptance.


End file.
